My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
