threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Randomize
