I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
