it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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