I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Randomize
