i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
