I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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