DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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