I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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