I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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