you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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