so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Just high enough for therapy.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
