I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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