We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Randomize
