My hand turned me down
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
