..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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