evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
