Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
