I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
