I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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