I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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