Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
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