This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
