That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize
