YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
