I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
