How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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