I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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