literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Sext me about skeletons
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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