my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
