I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
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Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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