Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
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Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
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It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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