he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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