That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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