i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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