I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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