They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
