I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
