my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
