I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
