I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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