What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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