What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
