they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
