i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
