OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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