And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
