I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Blood and glitter go together right?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
