In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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