is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
We need to rekindle our bromance
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
