My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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