I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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