someone get that fucking seahorse.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
