This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
