well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
