id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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