I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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