If i come over, it means nothing
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
