cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
