I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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