My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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