A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
