dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
