i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Randomize
