i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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