Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
